Trump Takes a Dump, Says Mexico Can Clean It Up. (Satire)
Posted on June 18, 2016
BREAKING NEWS: Trump Dump: the Donald Promises Mexicans Will Clean it Up… and They Do.
Donald Trump abruptly stopped an early morning interview on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” today to create his own Trump Dump movement and, in so doing, make a point about negotiating.
Earlier, Joe Scarborough was questioning Trump about his proposed wall on the Mexican-American border. Trump interrupted Scarborough mid-sentence: “Wait right there, Joe: it’s the American-Mexican border. Don’t be like Hillary Clinton and her drug lord friends who call it the Mexican-American border.”
“OK, but that’s not the issue here,” Joe answered. “How are you are going to get Mexico to pay for the Wall? According to experts at the nation’s largest construction firm, it’s going to cost $25 billion. How are you going to get this done?”
“Listen, Joe, I’m a billionaire. Do you think I made billions, bill-lee-uns, Joe, with a B… Do you think I made tens of billions of dollars by people telling me no? People don’t tell billionaires no, believe me. I wake up sometimes at 2, 3, 4 in the morning and I want bacon, bacon and ice cream. Do you think anyone tells me that I can’t have bacon and ice cream at 2 or 3 or 4 in the morning? No, of course not. That’s ridiculous. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“But, you said the Wall would cost $4 billion and in reality it would cost…”
“Listen, I’m a businessman. I do very, very good business. All the time. I eat, sleep, and shit business. Part of doing business is negotiating. So I negotiate. I’m really, really good at negotiating. Like with my wife, my wife Melania, I said to her, ‘Hey, Melania, let’s have a kid.’ She says, ‘We got no room, no room for baby.’ I told her, ‘What if I bought the baby an apartment?’ We called up our lawyers, got the realtor on the phone, and now we have Barron with his own apartment on the Upper East Side. And you know who paid for the apartment? The infant Barron. I wouldn’t let him pee until he paid for it. And he did. So when I say Mexico is going to pay, they are going to pay 100%. They will do 100% of anything I tell them to do.”
“Donald, if you could just…” said Mika.
“Mika, I hear you. Believe me, I hear you… Watch this.” At this point, Trump stopped the interview, stood up from his chair and started to unbuckle his pants.
“Good lord, cut the feed! CUT THE FEED!” Mika shrieked. But the producer only stared, mouth agape.
Trump dropped his pants and proceeded to take a dump on the floor. A magnificent Trump Dump. “I’m really, really good at this,” Donald strained. “My mom used to always brag about how very good I was at this,” His face turned a darker shade of orange as he began to pinch off a loaf, beads of perspiration covered his face. “Look at me. I’m sweating like Marco Rubio… My mom would say to her friends, ‘Donald, he shits like no one else.’ She’d brag about it. Always bragging about how very, very good I was at shitting… Now watch this. Watch this.”
Trump called out for a janitor to clean it up. “Alejandro? Get out here!”
A man dressed in blue janitor’s overalls sheepishly made his way into the shot. “Buenos Dias, Meester Trump,” he said while starring directly into the camera. “Eet’s Jose, Meester Trump. You fired Alejandro last year on The Apprentice.”
“Jose, Alejandro…,” Trump said tucking his shirt back into his pants. “Clean that up.”
“Si, yes, Meester Trump.”
“You see, Joe, Mika, you see what I did?” Trump said. “I told him to do it, I told him to clean that shit up. Did he say no? No, how could he? He depends on me, he depends on me to make a living. Same with the border wall. How is that for a metaphor?”
You can watch the interview on MSNBC Radio this Thursday at 6am Eastern Time.