Zoltan for Pres5
MEMO FROM THE NATIONAL AFFAIRS DESK
DATE: JANUARY 25, 2016
FROM: DR. KURT G. DOONESBURY
SUBJECT: TAKE A RIDE ON THE IMMORTALITY BUS— THE CANDIDATE YOU LIKELY HAVEN’T HEARD OF…

NYC, NEW YORK. January 25, 2016— Candidates promise a lot of things on the 2016 Campaign Trail and we have heard quite a few promises from the both sides…. Trump promises to get Mexico to pay for a wall on the border, to build a database for Muslims… Sanders that there will be healthcare and tuition for all… Clinton that Bill would make a great FLOTUS… O’Malley that you would like what he has to say (if only they would let him talk)… But one candidate has something different to promise all of us. The third-party candidate for the Transhumanist Party, Zoltan Istvan promises that we will all live forever.

Hey, and why not? The Campaign Trail is meant to build up hopes and dreams, and for many it ends up being a Trail of Tears. Luckily enough the Transhumanist Party, Istvan has the “Immortality Bus”— a coffin-shaped bus equipped with all sorts of gizmos and gadgets including a robot— to traverse the Trail with… whichever it may end up being.

robot_and_bus

What other candidate has a damn robot?!

But who is Zoltan Istvan? The self-proclaimed inventor of volcano boarding was once a journalist for National Geographic and has had articles published in The Huffington Post. In 2013, Istvan wrote the science-fiction novel The Transhumanist WagerThe story follows the life of philosopher Jethro Knights and his endeavors promoting transhumanism that will eventually end in a worldwide revolution. The book introduces the philosophy Teleological Egocentric Functionalism and Istvan’s Three Laws of Transhumanism. Now, you may be asking yourself, “The what and what?” Istvan states that TEF is about starting a nonreligious and stronger moral system in both the citizens and society in order to successfully contend with coming technological change…. And the Three Laws of Transhumanism? Well, those go something like this:

 

  1. A transhumanist must safeguard one’s own existence above all else.
  2. A transhumanist must strive to achieve omnipotence as expediently as possible—so long as one’s actions do not conflict with the First Law.
  3. A transhumanist must safeguard value in the universe—so long as one’s actions do not conflict with the First and Second Laws.

Istvan’s political platform encompasses political visions from both ends of the spectrum… flat taxes, free education, ending the Drug War, etc. … but adds achieving Eternal Life in 20 to 25 years. I don’t know, it makes O’Malley’s claim that he will make the U.S. completely powered by renewable energy in the next 50 years seem completely reasonable…

Ciao,
Kurt